I Don't Remember the Pain

I Don't Remember the Pain.

I grew up a Southern Baptist Pastor's Daughter. I was loved. I was fed. I was clothed. I had great parents. I had great teachers. I had Cabbage Patch Dolls and Barbies. I had a wonderful childhood. I was taught at an early age to love Jesus and to love going to church. I gave my life to Christ at an early age. I remember vividly the Sunday that I walked the aisle to tell my Daddy that I wanted to ask Jesus in my heart! 

As I finished childhood and moved in young adulthood, I was accepted at Dallas Baptist University. I loved my 4 years on the hill. I met lifetime friends on that hill. I graduated 4 years later with a degree in teaching. 2 years later...I got married.

We were married I think 2 years and I got baby fever bad! Everyone else had one and I didn't. It was during that time, that I realized I had never not had what I wanted when I wanted it. 3 years quickly turned into 4 years....5 years.....and then I found out I was pregnant. The Joy was short lived...and that little life was taken from me just a few days later. I felt like someone had sucked out my life. My faith was tested. Everything I had ever learned was being tested. I knew God was faithful, but did I REALLY know God was faithful? I didn't understand why he would give me what I wanted to badly just to take it back a few days later.

A year later...I lost another baby. This time, I was completely numb and angry, but I still held onto my faith and trusting in God's faithfulness. I knew the purpose of that baby's short life. I had begun to approach my husband about adoption. He wasn't completely on board at first but after seeing my emotional and physical pain I was enduring during that 2^nd miscarraige, God revealed to him that adoption was a road we were to walk together.

In June of 2005, we officially started the process to adopt a child through a US adoption Agency in Wichita Falls. The social worker finished our homestudy portion of the process in October. Although it would have been so fun to have a baby for the holidays, I kept praying for a baby born in March. I felt like March would be “perfect timing” as far as my school year was concerned. March was also the due date month of the baby I lost. 

In February of 2006, After, I had dropped off my 3^rd graders at lunch. I was planning to go back to my desk to give the adoption agency a call to see if any birthmothers had looked at our file. March was only a month away! I almost reached my classroom door, when I heard my name being called from another teacher down the hall. She was waving a cel phone in her hand....and she said “There's a Baby.....Do you want to know more?” I was thinking..yeah right. Of course, I took the phone from her and said “Hello” On the other end of the phone was a parent who had kids at the school whose mother knew of a young woman up in Oklahoma who was in a situation needing to give her baby up for adoption. She was in a situation where CPS was going to take her child at birth and she didn't want him to go into foster care. Of course, I told her I was interested in knowing more...but really doubted this road would lead to a baby in our home.

Within a few days, my husband and I found ourself driving up to Oklahoma to meet this young woman.

As crazy as the situation was becoming, we both had an amazing peace about the situation from the beginning. I'll never forget the moment, Zachariah's birthmother walked into the room. A very cute, sandy blonde young woman, all baby around the middle. She very quickly told us she wanted us to adopt her son. We went out to eat with her...and the waitress ask her when her baby was due....she said “we'll its their baby, and he is due in MARCH!” 

She wanted to name the baby, Zachariah. Gordon and I had never considered the name Zachariah but loved it the moment it rolled off her tongue. After finding out the meaning of the name.”Remembered By God”..we knew God must have put the name on her heart.

About 4 weeks later, we brought Zachariah home, to be our first born son! God had a HUGE surprise in for us! I got sick.....and little brother was telling us he was on the way! With God's grace and mercy...I was able to carry this baby to term. Levi James was born on December 6, 2006. Oh but it gets better! 6 months later.....another baby was on the way. Ava Noelle was born on January 25, 2008.  

I am confident in knowing that if our first and or second child had lived, then we likely would not have gone down the road to get our Zachariah. After he (Zachariah) was safely in our home, God allowed Levi and Ava to be born too! 

So, I had THREE Babies in 21 months! Crazy huh? This is one of my favorite pictures of that season of life.

So I share this story with you to say simply, God is good...All the Time. He reedems our pain for His Glory. I'm on the other side now. I have been so very blessed that I don't remember the pain of infertility. I don't remember the pain of miscarriage. My children are all potty trained, sleeping through the night,(most nights! ha) and I want to encourage you. One thing I am passionate about it mamas loving each other! Lets share, but lets love one another while we share. Your way, may not be my way, and my way is probably not your way, but lets love one another...and lets raise up these babies to be men and woman of God!